Divorce is not like a surgery where you go to sleep
and when you wake up, it's all over
Far from it. Divorce is hard work, but does it have to be a fight to the finish? Resolving to work closely with your attorney and getting it right the first time will greatly affect the outcome of your case. You must be prepared and committed to doing the homework that is asked of you. You must learn to embrace change and understand that your divorce will affect every aspect of your life (often for the better, if you allow it). In tough situations, I find myself repeating ..
This too shall pass
Few attorneys set out to work in divorce court. In certain ways, this job found me—I did not find it. You would have to be insane to go into this line of work. I've realized over time that my life energy is best directed towards helping people resolve their issues with partners who are trying to control or take advantage of them. Male or female, gender is not the issue. The issue is intention—whether someone is acting unfairly or hurting you or your children.
Board Certification What does it mean? Be advised that not all attorneys who handle divorce-related matters are Board Certified by the state of Florida. Your decision to choose a Board Certified attorney over a non-specialist is a wise one, as it will affect the outcome of your divorce.
No ONE WINS IN DIVORCE
The people who prevail, achieving emancipation on their own terms, with their dignity intact, are those who are active participants in their legal representation. The more organized you are, the more organized your attorney will be. Again, be prepared to do your part of the work. Perhaps toughest of all trying to maintain a sense of humor in the most unfunny and painful of circumstances.
The legal system is a foreign land to most people. It has its own language. Experience tells me that my clients need to know what to expect. I believe in educating you in law and procedure, and the importance of clear thinking. Once you are educated in a few principles, all related facts become powerful tools with which to achieve your goals amicably, or, if necessary, at trial. My common sense and universal approach to law enhances my ability to help people solve their problems in and out of the courtroom. My personal organizational structure, respect for the courts and knowledge of judicial tendencies can be a tremendous asset to your representation.
Clear thinking is essential. Initially, I might ask my clients to enlist the help of their divorced friends by asking them "What went wrong in your divorce?" I urge them to actually write down these answers and really think about what can be learned. Chances are, if your friend had been better informed, or had been better represented, they would not have made the same decisions or the same mistakes. Ask yourself:
How can I become better informed and better organized in my divorce?
If you don't understand something about your divorce, it may be that your attorney doesn't understand either. Like other professional specialties, marital and family law is highly specialized and replete with complexities. You need to be represented by someone who calmly understands the system, the law, the courts, and human nature. As a client, it pays to educate yourself up front rather than in hindsight.
How do you know what to do in a divorce if you've never been through a divorce?
How do you make it easier for your children?
How do you manage your money?
How do you go about getting a new life?
Seeking professional counseling is smart. This is a proactive step that will help your family better handle the stress of your divorce. Stress is not always apparent in all individuals, especially children. Make sure you choose a good therapist; someone who you are comfortable with. Only you can know who is right for you. Interview more than one professional to find a good fit.
Call my office for help finding a qualified mental health counselor and other professionals
I've been blogging and tweeting about divorce, law and human nature since 2009, drawing on my unique experience of "love, law and relationships." There is likely something here that will resonate with you. Check out my blog:
You can also follow Daytona Divorce on Twitter: twitter.com/daytonadivorce
Be advised that not all attorneys who handle divorce-related matters are Board Certified by the state of Florida. Your decision to choose a Board Certified attorney over a non-specialist is a wise one, as it will affect the outcome of your divorce. Another suggestion:
Interview more than one attorney
This is the only sure way you'll be able to compare and contrast the personality and energy of the attorney who will be closely working with you throughout your divorce. This is an individual whose work product will likely affect you long after your divorce papers are signed. In your initial consultation, a competent attorney will be interviewing you as well. A successful attorney does not need your case, but will elect to work with you for a variety of reasons. I base this on the passion and energy YOU bring to the table.
Choose your divorce attorney wisely
According to the Florida Bar Association, there are approximately 93,000 attorneys in Florida. The total number of attorneys who are Florida Board Certified in Marital and Family law (including yours truly) is 262. These are attorneys who are considered experts in divorce and family law.
I wish you well in your endeavors. Hopefully you and your attorney will find ways to
Divorce your loved one with dignity
Douglas Kneller, Esq .. ifloridadivorce.com, LLC
quote of the day
The mind is everything. What you think you become.
Douglas Kneller esq
Florida Board Certified Marital & Family Law attorney
Thérèse Misita Truelove
Mikaela nordman, associate
How JUDges Rule (click here)
Something that will never happen
What are some psychological facts that people don’t know?
Thank you to 22-year-old Zoya Miller on Quora. It doesn’t hurt to listen when 20-somethings speak
“Here’s a psychological tip that I use frequently while in service positions to diffuse tense situations with angry customers. This tip also helps in personal situations with friends and family.
Don’t say “I’m sorry.” Say “Thank you.”
The moment you say “I’m sorry,” you solidify the fact that you’ve done something wrong and it was your fault. You’ve centered the phrase around yourself with the “I” statement, and therefore you become the one wholly responsible.
Knowing that you’ve done something wrong, many people feel justified to target you with anger. If whatever happened was actually frustrating to them, by saying “I’m sorry” you dub yourself as the reason for their frustrations.
If you say “thank you” instead, the conversation is suddenly centered on the other person instead of you. You’ve just praised the other person! They’ve been thanked! They’re noble, patient, understanding, etc. Thank You’s diffuse tense situations.
Thank you for being patient with me.
Thank you for understanding.
Thank you for going out of your way for me.
Try using these during minor conflicts. Watch the reactions of people around you change.”
Notice of Intent